I'm tired of the daily repeated pattern that never seems to get mixed up. I do the same thing everyday, every week, every month pretty much. Now that I really think of it...seriously, I don't even have to go into work to get my schedule anymore, I just know when I'm working. Every weekday it seems like I wake up at 5:40am, leave to school at 7am, go to Carl's Junior or Mc Donalds for lunch at 11:43am, go home for 5 minutes at 2:30pm, leave to work or either ROP at 3:30-4pm, and get home around 9pm. After school on Friday's I normally go to David's casa for a couple hours, somehow end up playing rockband with his annoying drunk roommates from time to time, driving around for at least an hour or two trying to think of something to do, usually end up going to Walmart, Target, or Barnes and Noble, and then he drops me off back at my house. That's usually how Saturday and Sunday play out as well if I'm not working. Its so reduntant its not even funny. I feel like I'm a robot programmed to do the same thing on a daily basis.
UGHHHHH this is exactly why I can't wait to go to college.
Also I'm tired of people thinking that I want to try a drug, alcohol, or tobacco when I don't! GET IT THROUGH YOUR FAT HEAD! I DON'T WANT TO TRY ANYTHING! I'm a good child, I was raised better than that. Plus if I were to try anything I would at least wait until I'm legally allowed to drink. There is a HEALTH reason as to why they have an age limit! Why do you think our generation is so fucking retarded now? Now stop asking me people! I will not try anything with you and if you aren't legal, I will certainly look down upon you...
Enough said, I'm tired...
I really should finish my Economics Mid-Term, but its due Friday so I can procrastinate and finish it after work tomorrow because I'd rather get sleep.
At this point in time, I don't know what's going to happen...his parents are probably going to like hate me even more once they find out he might be moving to Oregon. This is exactly why I try to stay away from families in general, too much drama.
Now....SLEEP!
So I decided to go on a mission and find some cute silver, ankle strap flats and guess what! I FOUND THEM! I actually bought them from Forever 21 for about $22 when you include tax. I know everyone will have them within the next week, but I really wanted them. The inside of the shoe is black and gray zebra print and suprisingly, they are actually pretty comfortable! If you want some like these for a reasonable price, check them out at Forever 21!
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Other than that, me and the boyfriend are back on good terms. He has actually been acting like the David Beamer that I originally fell in love with and I have missed it so much! He brought me flowers unexpectidly yesterday to say sorry even though he knows I don't like flowers. Oddly, I really liked the ones he got me and I am thankful he did that! We also made Strawberry Shortcakes this afternoon which were delicious! My first time actually ever trying them and they were pretty good.
Not only that, but I've been watching my calorie intake and I am now a size 00 in jeans! I am also starting to get a little bit of thigh space too! Anyone that knows me knows that I like to be thin and I'm not a big fan of being overweight! No I don't have an eating disorder and no I'm not trying to get one, I just want to be thin!
I feel sad now that David's friend said my photography was bad. Sometimes, I hate my life but not to the point where I would do something stupid. I lost 2lbs which means 9 more to go. I really want to stay in the 90s to be in the safe zone. I think its time to start an ABC diet, yes yes yes. I really do hate meeting new people...why can't it just be like someone just wants to be your friend? I don't know, its just they are so judgemental about things. I feel like I need to hide the true Jazmyn from them.
Anyways, I'm starting to ramble again. I'm so tired, I think I'll drink my water and go to bed and contemplate about my photography being horrible...
YEAH!!
I wish I had someone that would just sit with me and listen to music we both liked instead of fighting over what to play.
I wish I had someone to share my art work with that would be mature about it and not act like they are 13.
I wish I had someone to paint with so that we could admire each others paintings.
I wish there was someone who likes to just sit in silence like me instead of constantly needing something to be said.
I wish I had someone who would rather do other things besides watching television.
I wish I had someone who would recommend books for me to read, because they read it and thought it was just purely amazing.
I wish I had a friend to just talk to when that special person just isn't cutting it.
I wish there was a restart button to life.
I wish I would have stuck to playing the piano.
I wish I didn't get irritated so easily in life, but I guess that has to do with the people I surround myself by.
I wish someone create something popular and dedicate it to me because they just like me that much.
I wish I had someone that would just spoil me and take me on shopping sprees.
I wish there was someone whose family wasn't so judgemental about me and not act like complete asses to me when its uncalled for.
I wish I didn't have to deal with other's families as a matter of fact.
I wish someone would just spend all their time with me when I'm sick and cancel all their other plans just because the care for me that much.
I wish I had someone who had the same political views as I do and beliefs about a religion.
I wish there weren't perverted guys in the world that only think about sex, alcohol, partying, or drugs.
I wish I could just get out of Southern California and leave it and all the madness behind.
There are a lot of things in life I wish for, but lately I've just been really wanting these things. I know it may make me seem like a spoiled brat and I will agree because I know I can be one. I don't really care anymore. I'm anything bad you can think of pretty much, well personality wise, and I can't really change that. No one can change themselves like that. I want to be around people that are like me! I want to be around people that don't make fun of me because of the things I like (eg: being a member of a hamster forum). I want to be in Oregon even if people think that the people there are weird. I want to be there because I'm weird and everywhere else nobody understands me.
Nobody on this planet truly understands me! I don't care how much you believe you know about me, you don't know it all and you probably will never know.
Sorry I need to just free my mind, there is just so much trapped in there because the people around me are so judgemental and absolutely must comment on anything I say in a negative way.
So I've been thinking a lot lately about my little relationship situation. I've realized over this past year how different David and I really are. To be honest we aren't much alike. I've noticed that he is one of those people that like to party rather than taking care of important things which is the complete opposite of me. I would rather get my things taken care of and have time to myself and not go out and party and try new (illegal) things. Its like he doesn't care about what happens in the future and I need someone that knows what they want to do and doesn't plan their entire life on what I'm doing and decide they want to change their plans because I'm going somewhere else. Not only that, but he is a family person and I'm not. I hate the thought of family or children. I dislike little kids and I don't enjoy being around family-like things. It puts me in such a bad mood. Really, because of that one family issue I really don't think David and I would last very long. He is one of those people that need to be with their family and have some sort of frequent contact and I'm not...I really think that is going to mess things up in the future. Another thing is, when I go up north...I think we are really going to fall out.
I'm not trying to be pessemistic, but I am a pessemist and the way things are going right now I don't think its going to last that long. I want it to, but I doubt it will...its been just going downhill in the past year or so.
I miss how things used to be between me and David. When he was sweet and always nice, even if I was cranky or moody that day he would still be nice. Now its different since his parents moved...What happened to the cute little shy boy that used to ask if he could give me a kiss or a hug because he was scared. Now its like I have to tell him to stop, because I know nothing good will come of it. Also whenever I'm like PMSing he just decides its funny or alright to act mean to me back; seriously its not like I can help PMSing, I have no control over that I'm sorry. Its not only then, but when something doesn't go his way, or he is in some sort of financial situation with bills, or he's tired, or I don't want to do something he decides to take it out on me like its my fault.
Ugh it just frustrates me so much...I miss the David Beamer back in 2005-2006!
